Heart Fire

My heart is on fire. Sometimes this feels good, exciting, fun and even magical; other times, the feelings are more of sadness, grief, longing for deeper connections, more compassion, touch and understanding in the world. The latter occurs when I am lost in the place between the vision of what could be and the reality of what is, feeling my fragile humanity. Nevertheless, my heart is on fire with its divinity, vision and passion. This eternal longing is very real to me; it has been a part of my life since I was very young. Is this true of everyone I wonder?

The love in my heart is infinite, boundless; each day I awaken further to the depth of the mysteries and joy of the Beloved Friend. I also witness the working of my grasping ego and my pain body as well; it's an endless dance of growth and change, of recovery. Writing and recording the journey is, and always has been, part of my story; this is perhaps what has saved my life, together with books and buddhism.

A couple of weeks ago, SARK (Susan Arial Rainbow Kennedy) led a Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper writing workshop at the Hayward Public Library. I have been a fan of her work since reading her first book, Succulent Wild Woman. Since then, she's published 14 books in 14 years! I'd say she knows something about the creative writing process. So I was delighted to learn about this *free* writing workshop and eager to finally meet this interesting woman, artist and writer.

Add to this the fact that I had been in correspondence with SARK (through her assistant) about presenting at Femme Fire Productions' first event next spring, -- Celebrate Your Light! Women's Self-Love Retreat -- and you might be able to imagine my curiosity about participating in one of her workshops. It turned out to be wonderful and incredibly fun and interesting! SARK is a very lively, engaging, fun person and a great storyteller. She will bring a high level of juiciness and zestful presence to our retreat. I am honored to call her friend. Before beginning the workshop, she wrote a descriptive word on labels for each of us. The word sitting in front of me was/is "DEEP" -- my essence forever etched in juicy colored felt marker on thirsty paper by SARK.

Since meeting Susan (SARK) and sharing a warm hug AND sweet validation that we were born just days apart in April (both fire signs), we've gone on to confirm that she will lead a playshop at my Celebrate Your Light Retreat. It is called "SARK's Self-Love Festival of Lounging and Liberation." Wow! Doesn't this sound intriguing? Susan is creating this festival playshop especially for Celebrate Retreat, and it will be a luxurious four hours to be sure. The anticipation is starting to build, and I can't wait to seek self-love delight in this playshop with our retreatants and Susan and then celebrate our birthdays together! Well, I can and I will wait, but you know what I mean.

Does SARK's playshop sound like the kind of FUN LEARNINGS you don't want to miss out on? Come join us at Joshua Tree! We'll be staying at a sacred place where many spiritual teachers have taught and spent time in retreat during the peak of the blooming season -- Joshua Tree Retreat, Conference and Wellness Center.
Susan also happens to be very supportive, kind and generous ... not to mention quite lovely. And did I say fun? SARK definitely knows how to have FUN and embodies SELF-LOVE in its most beautiful creative expressions. Her empathy and compassion are palpable when you witness her in action.

No, she isn't perfect! And I guess she would not want to be sat upon a pedestal -- no place for an ALIVE WOMAN like SARK! I imagine she has faults and wounds just like all of us; actually, I know she does because she freely admits this is true. It is our imperfections and humanity that perhaps make us as beautiful and magnificent as we are, yes? Have you ever noticed that those little quirks and weaknesses can be so endearing in those we love? ... or irritating I suppose in those we say we dislike or hate because they are mirrors of what we cannot accept within ourselves?

I've been meditating and working with my own perfectionistic tendencies. This is lifelong work in progress... this allowance and acceptance of weakness and imperfection, vulnerability and woundedness -- the shadow that creates the light. Doing so, uncovering the layers blocking my essence, increases the flames and brightness of the fire burning in my heart... that light of core presence that is pure energy.

As I gaze into the fire and listen deeply within, there is the voice of the Beloved -- a clear calling of Spirit... of Love calling me onward into risk and change, into a deeper "not knowing," and into the arms of a lover still a mystery to me. I chase after the elusive mystery and encounter surprises, synchronicities, mutualities, commonalities and synergistic, magical heart connections, encounters and opportunities that challenge and support me in reaching... stretching for my potential. I feel myself lifting and twirling into love again... over and over again. With this is also the hum and spark of libido, the serpent of kundalini fire ... of a hunger welling up that has been dormant, asleep, waiting for the right heart's gentleness to kindle this being to ignite in passion's flame.

I leave you this night with more of Angeles Arrien -- an excerpt from her book, The Eight Gates of Wisdom, followed by some of her suggested practices (from her website). Some of this repeats pieces of her work I quoted in my previous blog post, yet I'm fine with seeing this material again, aren't you?

Sources of Inspiration: The Four Fires

Universally, fire is regarded as a spiritual symbol of awakening. It is also a purifying force that can be constructive or destructive, depending on how we use it. Many sacred texts, such as the Bible, Koran, and Torah, speak of fire as a symbol of the vital life force that can be called upon for transformation, re-visioning, or the transmission of renewed meaning. Traditionally, the four fires that these sacred texts refer to are the fire of vision, the fire of the heart, the creative fire, and the soul’s fire.

We encounter these fires throughout our lives, and we need to reconnect to them so that we can experience what truly inspires us. The fire of vision provides visions or dreams that show us possibilities and potential in our lives, inspiring us to manifest what we see or are called upon to do. The fire of the heart teaches us about what and whom we love. The creative fire signals the work that we love, a keen awareness of our gifts, and our desire to express them as a way of contributing to the world. The soul’s fire calls us to be authentically who we are and serve others rather than our own egos.

Martin Luther King, Jr., Eleanor Roosevelt, Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Teresa were seized by all four fires, as is often the case with anyone who is inspired by a great dream or who explores any one of the fires in depth. The four universal fires urge the human spirit to look deeply for meaningful connections, to manifest creativity and vision in generative ways, and to listen to the soul’s promptings for deepening and renewal.

––excerpt from Angeles Arrien’s
The Second Half of Life:
Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom, pg. 34-35

Monthly Practice:

	The fire of Vision: What new visions or new possibilities are capturing your imagination? At the end of each day this month, ask who or what inspired you today?
	The Heart’s fire: What or whom do you love? What are you learning about love this year? Are you following what has heart and meaning?
	The Creative fire – “the fire that takes no wood”: What creative projects, aspects of work, or new applications of your creativity are sources of inspiration for you at this time?
	The Soul’s Fire: What spiritual experiences or deep internal callings or longings are making themselves known to you this year? At the end of each day, notice which of the four fires were present: in what relationship; under what circumstances; and what thoughts, insights, feelings provoked your awareness of their presence?